Which sentences are more concise?

Question

BlackTom AI · Accepted Answer

To judge conciseness, we compare length, redundancy, and unnecessary details across the two sentences.
Option 1 begins with a very long opening: 'In spite of the fact that we are currently in the month of November,' which is wordy and can be simplified to 'Although November is here' or simply 'In November.' The phrase 'the adjustment of the students to the return to school has not yet been observed' is verbose; 'students have not yet adjusted to returning to school' would be clearer and shorter. The clause 'The feedback of the school teachers has been that students are extremely stressed by having lived under pandemic conditions' contains redundancy ('feedback of teachers' is awkward; 'teachers have reported' suffices) and the expression 'extremely stressed by having lived under pandemic conditions' could be tightened to 'stressed by pandemic conditions.' Finally, 'The best we can hope for would be that students adjust to the current state of things and are finding ways to focus on the fact that safety a first priority at the moment rather than returning to normal' is a long, convoluted ending; it could be condensed to something like 'They should focus on safety as the priority, rather than returning to normal.' Overall, option 1 is heavy with pleonasms and filler words, increasing its length without adding essential meaning.
Option 2 moves more directly from the current situation to a hopeful consequence, using simpler, shorter constructs: 'Although it is November, students have not adjusted to school, and teachers have observed that students are stressed by pandemic conditions. Hopefully, students will find ways to adapt and make safety a priority instead of worrying about returning to normal.' This version reduces some redundancy (e.g., 'the month of November' becomes 'November'), uses 'have observed' rather than 'feedback of the school teachers has been that,' and replaces 'the best we can hope for would be' with a more streamlined 'Hopefully, students will find ways to adapt.' The result is a crisper flow with fewer subordinate clauses and filler phrases, which typically yields greater brevity while preserving meaning.
In terms of grammar and clarity, concise writing often leverages active voice, fewer nested clauses, and direct phrasing. Option 2 achieves these characteristics more effectively: it keeps the core ideas—November timing, lack of adjustment, observed stress, and a hopeful plan for adaptation and prioritizing safety—without sprawling into extended justification or repetitive qualifiers. Conversely, option 1 piles on introductory phrases, possessive phrasing, and elongated statements that do not contribute new content, making it longer and harder to parse at a glance.
If the criterion is strictly conciseness, option 2 demonstrates a tighter construction with fewer words carrying the same meaning, while option 1 adds extra verbiage that does not enhance the message. The primary sources of density in option 1 are preliminary qualifiers, convoluted noun phrases, and an ending that elaborates beyond what is necessary to convey the point.
Overall, the comparison shows that option 2 achieves conciseness more effectively by trimming redundant wording, simplifying constructions, and maintaining a straightforward progression of ideas.

RGASC Winter 2025 Professional English Language Skills (PELS) Module 6 Quiz

Which sentences are more concise?

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